so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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