Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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