I feel like abortions should bother me more
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He keeps bees of course he's weird
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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