I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
