I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
