mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
