Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
