Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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