Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
