dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
