she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
