Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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