hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize