i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
