this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
