Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
