I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
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How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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