If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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