Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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