I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
