Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
two words...techno handjob
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
