Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
