Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
