I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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