I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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