The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Drunk is not a location!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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