i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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