i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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