I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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