He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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