I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
reminds me of losing my job
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
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its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
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I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.