Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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