so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
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Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
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Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??