oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out