My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
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You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.