never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?