officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.