something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Drake has all the answers
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE