As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka