woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
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he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
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I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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