So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
