I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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