I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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