i would punch a child for taco bell
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"