We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night