On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough