I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
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Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
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I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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