so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize