I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
