two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize