You smell like a Billy Joel song
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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