Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
