He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
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You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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