I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
