We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
