Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
