Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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