Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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