Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize