Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
