R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
